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You are here: Home Newspaper Special Issue Wedding Special 2010 Love Marriages vs. Arranged Marriages

Love Marriages vs. Arranged Marriages

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It is said that compromise is a factor that decides whether the marriage would work out or not. In case of love marriage, people might expect more from their partner, largely because they have fallen in love before marriage. This leads to lesser compromises, as the person expects more from his/her partner. On the other hand, compromise and adjustments form the foundation of arranged marriage, largely because the married couple does not have any preconceived notions or expectations from one another. The compromise factor might work wonders in case of most of the arranged marriages, while in love marriages, that might prove to be yet another cause for altercation. Due to this factor, people consider an arranged marriage as long lasting and better than a love marriage.

Along with time, the Indian society has witnessed substantial changes in the social and marital set up. Though most of the parents still remain staunch about their kind of arrange marriage, a wave of change has been brought by few parents, who whole-heartedly welcome the choice of their kids in their family. Unlike the West, where every kind of marriage is a love marriage, Indian society on a verge of transformation has three different kinds of marriages — the arrange marriage, which is perfectly arranged by the family of the bride and the groom; the love marriage, solemnized by the choice of the life partners themselves and the third- love-cum-arranged marriage where the life partner is selected by the boy or girl himself/herself but rest of the formalities of arranging it is done by their parents.

From the very beginning in the country it has almost been an understood fact that parents have to find a suitable bride and groom for their son and daughter and solemnize the entire marriage according to their wishes. As the custom of child marriage was very prevalent in the Indian society earlier and the children were married much before they were aware of the feeling of love and attraction, it is very clear that why parents were the one to find a perfect match for their kids. Though the trend of child marriage have gradually faded from the Indian society, the fashion of arranged marriage is still very much prevalent due to its deep- rooted existence in the Indian culture.

The strong wave of changes as introduced in the Indian society in 1970s when the education and literacy spread to the urban society of India and people started the realization of individuality. This realization made people more aware of their choices and necessities. The same rational thought came to be applicable with regard to marriage, where people stood against the staunch system of caste, creed or social status-based marriages and asked for the freedom of choosing their life partners themselves. At that time, this step was considered to be revolutionary and rebellious. However, with time, people have understood the importance of marrying with the person of one’s choice. As the realization of individuality has increased, parents have also agreed to accept the choices of their kids shedding the old tradition of fixing and arranging a marriage.

In the urban society, people have widened their choices, when it comes to their life  partner. Love-cum —arranged marriages have traversed the boundaries of a single community. Today, inter-caste and inter-religion marriages are a common sight in the country, which otherwise were considered strictly against the Indian culture. This brings out the fact that the outlook of people regarding marriages has been revolutionized due to the modernization of the Indian society. However, this acceptance is yet only limited to the urban and educated Indian society. Though this favorable change has paved the way for a revolutionary change in the rural society also, any substantial change is yet to be observed.

Love marriages were considered as a taboo among many people in India, who do not have a modern outlook of life. For them, two people should tie the wedding knot only with the consent of their parents and the blessings of their relatives.

Nonetheless, love marriages are prevalent in almost all the societies of India, given the fact that they are still considered inferior to the weddings arranged by parents in the country. People supporting the concept of a love marriage strongly believe that it is very important to know the partner before marrying him/her. On the other hand, the people, who believe in solemnizing the wedding with the permission of parents and relatives, think that arranged marriages are long lasting.

Pros & cons of love marriage and arranged marriage
When it comes to love marriage, the two people tie the nuptial knot only after falling in love with each other and probably, after knowing each other for a long time. They get ample time to explore both the good and the bad things about each other, well before marriage. This helps them to develop a good comfort level after marriage, very effortlessly. On the other hand, if two people do not know much about each other, when their marriage is arranged by their parents, then they might take some more time to develop a level of comfort, understanding after marriage. Here, love marriage scores more than arranged marriage in this case.

It is said that compromise is a factor that decides whether the marriage would work out or not. In case of love marriage, people might expect more from their partner, largely because they have fallen in love before marriage. This leads to lesser compromises, as the person expects more from his/her partner. On the other hand, compromise and adjustments form the foundation of arranged marriage, largely because the married couple does not have any preconceived notions or expectations from one another. The compromise factor might work wonders in case of most of the arranged marriages, while in love marriages, that might prove to be yet another cause for altercation. Due to this factor, people consider an arranged marriage as long lasting and better than a love marriage.

In case of an arranged marriage, the married couple could resort to their parents or acquaintance at the time of financial crises or other problems. In addition, if the marriage proves to be a failure, they have a number of people around them to seek support or to put the blame on. Their parents would come forward to solve the problems between the couple, if they have married with the elder’s consent. This is the reason why arranged marriages are considered secure for the people in India.

On the other hand, the couples, who have solemnized love marriages, would have to tackle all their crises on their own, because they might have been separated from their families. Resentment drives the parents and the relatives to remain dormant in case the married couple wants any financial or moral support — a common sight seen in love marriages in India. Due to this factor, many people do not want to marry without their parent’s consent, because they would be ultimately cut off from the family ties.